Overwhelmed

Annual Physical
Overwhelmed is the best word to describe the roller coaster we have been on the past few weeks.  While we were out for Christmas break Rob and I had a physical.  Rob was perfectly healthy.  I was healthy with the exception of what they called a "small nodule" on my thyroid.  I had not had any problems except a few swallowing issues.  When we left the office I was very quiet so many things were going through my head.

Leap of Faith
I stopped at the store and bought Haley an ornament for her lime green tree for next Christmas.  While driving home by myself it hit me...."What if I am not here to help Haley put her tree up next year?"  I burst into tears.  I am not afraid to die by any means because I know I have a home in heaven.  I just want to see my kids grow up and have a christian family of their own.  At this point I knew the devil had planted the seed of doubt in my mind and I felt a strong urgency to pray.  At that moment a feeling of calmness came over me.  I told myself I was not going to worry because I know this could be a long road.  I decided that every time I felt doubt or worry creeping in I would stop and pray.  I have to have faith that God will take care of me and my family. 

Matthew 6

The Endocrinologist
The next step was an appointment with an endocrinologist to have an ultrasound guided needle biopsy.   I know it sounds painful but the laticane shots actually hurt worse than the biopsy.  They did find 3 nodules with one being over 2.5 cm.  So they biopsied the biggest two.  The entire ordeal was just uncomfortable.  Rob & I both liked the endocrinologist and not just because his last name was Goodman. (no relation lol)  The next several days brought a lot of waiting and more waiting.  The days seemed to crawl by.  Then I got the call.  The doctor said the cells were "suspicious"  when I questioned what that meant he said they were not positive for cancer but they were not clear.  He suggested removing my thyroid so they could test further for cancer.  He said to me "If you were my daughter I would tell you to have it removed as soon as possible because their is no guarantee what it will be in 3 months."  So of course my response was "When is surgery?"  He said he would have the surgeon call me the next day. 

The Surgeon
Rob and I met with the surgeon Dr. Stanley Smith Jr.  I was so impressed.  He came in the room asked Rob to move over so he could sit by me and we could both see.  He started explaining what I had and what he was going to do.  He drew on a diagram, wrote notes and made a copy of it for me and Rob.  He answered all of our questions.  He was very thorough.  We felt confident we had the right person for the job.

Surgery
The day of surgery we took both the kids to school and headed to Baptist East.  Surgery was scheduled for 1:30.  The doctor came in to talk to us at pre-op and asked us to pray with him.  I felt in very good hands.  Surgery went well and they released me from the hospital the next morning.  Now it was time for recovery oh and another waiting game.  The doctor said we should have the results by Monday.  Well Monday came and went and no results.

this was after a week

 
Recovery
I arrived home Thursday morning around 10.  Rob got me all situated and waited on me hand and foot.  It is such a blessing to have so many people in my life that are care.  My church family sent flowers and meals.  We were brought dinner from The May's,  Laura Magowan, Brad & Brooke Stokes, Amanda Crenshaw, Sally, Jeremy & Kristi, and a big surprise from Suzy Huber.  Suzy dropped her kids off at school Friday morning and drove to my favorite restaurant in Jackson, TN and brought me lunch & my family dinner.

Flowers from Church

My favorite

My school has been very supportive.  My second grade team, Jenny, Monica, Carol, Sonja, Laura, Qua, Karen & a few other school friends Ali, Christine, Diane Carey & Caroline Beard got me a sweet card with gift cards to Target & Mezcal.  Our kindergarten team fed my family one night.  Mrs. Jones gave the kids a gift card to McDonalds.  Our AES Sunshine sent me flowers.  I got many calls, text and emails.  I am very thankful for my school family.

Flowers from school

The Results - Not what we had hoped
Tuesday morning, January 31st is a morning I will not soon forget.  I received a call from the surgeon telling me I have Follicular Thyroid Cancer.  I was a little shocked at the news but even more shocked at how very calm I was.  I had many questions as far as treatment and where we go from here but my overall response was very calm.  Everyone who knows me knows I worry about everything and I'm very sensitive.   I have a new found confidence in my faith.  A few weeks back I told God I was giving this all to him because I knew I was not strong enough to handle it.  He has taken all my worries and fears away.  I do not question "why this has happened?" because I know why!!  I have learned that God is there for me and is going to take care of me all I have to do is truly let go of it and give it to him.  

To say I have been overwhelmed is an understatement.  I have been overwhelmed with so many emotions over the past few weeks.  Unconditional love, fear, kindness, gratitude, anxiety just to name a few.  I can honestly say until this point in my life I have not truly put my faith in him to handle my troubles.  I have learned through this entire process that God truly has a plan and he is in charge.  

I found and bought this bookmark because I thought it was appropriate.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5